what a lovely and unique word. i made it home early on the morning of new year's eve, 31 DEC 2011. which, in many ways is the greatest single thing ever - not to mention, an amazing day to come home. i was able to come home and spend new years with my family. i came home and had easy days at work... my buddy pete came down and we hung out and i spent over $1,000 on iTunes alone on new music that i had missed out on in my absence from the free world.

i went to chicago and saw ATB. seeing him was the best moment of ever in music for me, short of my first July For Kings concert. when he played "move on," i about died, literally. i got the entire thing on video and you can watch it, along with some other videos on my youtube channel linked below.

http://www.youtube.com/andgomorra

i spent tonight with my best man, my dad. we went to dinner and i paid for it and then we came home and watched the presidential debate. how any american can support any of these moronic clowns is beyond me. they all were asked question and 3/4 of the time, didn't even answer them. i loved how they single-handedly handed 2 more votes of swing voters over to President Obama. one asked about the middle east conflict between palestine and israel and willard romney didn't even answer the ?, rather, he talked about how the palestinians were the ones that were causing all the problems. while this might be true, he still botched the ? and turned one voter away from the GOP. then santorum was asked about puerto rico becoming a 51st state and he told a puerto-rican american that he didn't have a position on her ?. HAHA!! really? its just hilarious. simply put, President Obama can beat ANY of the candidates and i have NO doubt he will be re-elected, as he should be.

time for a shower and then bed. going to go to school with my father tomorrow and see all his students and friends.

much love,

ct

i have to be honest, living in these tents with all my soldiers isnt as bad as i initially thought it would be. i have such an uncanny ability to over-analyze and make things dramatic, when in all actuality, they aren't. there is something surreal about being here in this tent with 20 men i have shared this past year with, here at war in afghanistan. i wil never forget any of them. the bond soldiers share is different than nay other bond he has with any other person ever. i imagine, at some time in the distant future, i will be safe in the USA, and look back on this day and days such as these, and just kinda "go back." it has been a long year, but at the same time, it has gone by faster than any year in my life.

when i set my mood for these journal entries, i just close my eyes, and brush my fingers across the scroll/tracking pad here on my macbook. it is kinda cool, it always lands on a mood that describes how i feel currently; "thankful."

return key.

i cant help but just sit here, and reflect back on this year. it has honestly, dare i say this, been the best year of my life. yes. i just said that. i have learned alot about myself. i have done things that i always "thought" about. yet, never actually realized i could be doing. the things seen here will never be forgotten. i am very lucky and there is no doubt in my mind that my Heavenly Father, the Lord and God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Moses has kept his angels encamped around me, thus i have been blessed with safety. i have never forgotten this the entire year, and every time i pray, i ask His divine mercy and continual kindness in the form of the blessing He has so earnestly and mercifully given to me for the past year. these guys are ordinary men, from all walks of life. from all over the united states. it has truly been a pleasure to serve with them. i cant imagine any of them not being here, actually. we have not lost any of them. we deployed as a company, and we will return as a company, losing no one - in the poorest province in afghanistan. this province takes more indirect fire than any province in the entire country, as well. true fact. so this actually IS a formidable feat. my platoon has been the only tactical platoon or piece of the company, and the Lord has blessed us and kept us safe all year.

i am downloading coury palermo's new cd entitled, "the broken way we love" at the moment. i have been waiting on this for months. hell, a year now. i remember when me and pete were chillin at the pad back in elizabethtown, ky and i was madly head over heels for dina. he said, tuck man, i have a song for you.. he played me "sunday black." i about died. i watched the music video, and to this day, there has never been a music video that has torn me to my soul's core in the same fashion this song and this video hath. you need to watch it. like right now.

i am looking forward to getting home and taking a shower WITHOUT wearing a pair of crocs. its the small things that spoiled americans take for granted, myself included up until a year ago, that i miss the most. i cant wait to have a cell phone that works again. for the past year, my iphone 4 has been a glorified iPod. its served me valiantly here in afghanistan, but thats not what it was made for. i have used my shuffle and nano the most. my iPad 2 hasnt seen more than an hour of action in the past 6 months i have had it. (bought it in knoxville at the Apple store when i was on leave.) thanks pete for jewing me into buying it.

we fly out soon. i cant wait to start this journey home with my soldiers and get home and see my family. its been a great year. thanks to all who have supported me in any way. as i hear the 82nd flying over us in the tent, i am gonna sync my iPod up and lie down. merry Christmas!

ct

"swallow it down... what a jagged little pill... it feels so good... swimming in your stomach..."

sometimes, i have to go to a tranquil place of solitude to get away from the hell that is afghanistan - or anywhere other than where i want to be, mind you. for me, it is the tellico river in east tennessee, or the camping spot at low gap on holston mountain up near johnson city, tn where me and my buddies camped through ROTC - before we went our separate ways. for me, there is nothing like being in those 2 places. they both have their own unique, blessed places in my heart and i cant pick one over the other. memories and nights in these 2 locations are the best of my life - no doubt about it. i was fortunate enough to take my truck to both of them when i was home on leave back in july. i cant wait to get back and go to both of them. low gap is blocked off b/c it is so high up and the dirt road freezes and the chances of sliding off the side of the mountain is high. tellico on the other hand, is like the taj mahal, comparatively speaking. it is a cabin, more like a home, that has satellite tv, multiple showers, bed and bathrooms, a 55 inch tv, near the river, and is just the best place on earth. no cell phone reception. no internet. nothing. though these are two integral facets of my life, there is something about going there and getting away that just lets me focus on my boys im with, our music, and the alcohol we are drinking, and whatever we are smoking. oh, yea. cant forget the amazing food, courteousy of tom castor.

i guess as i look back on my life, i have so many great memories and places i have been with guys and gals and they are just epic. i hope that "theathenaeum," to some extent, can serve me as a repository, or, athenaeum, literally, of my memories and great times. the only problem with that, is to get the truest form of memory, i would have to make this private. that, in and of itself, defeats the purpose... or did my purpose for starting this initially hinge upon the eyes reading it? who knows. who cares.

there is no better feeling than playing music with my boys at the tucker cabin on the tellico river. my father and my entire bloodline is from these hallowed grounds and there is just something about being there that brings me to the core of who i am, yet catapults me into a new, coming-of-age realm, if you will. my thoughts flow freely, my head is clear, my liver suffers, my head is in the clouds. its my oasis from this wretchedly, beautiful world. being there with pete, moody, jarrett, and whomever else we bring along with us, is just the best feeling on earth. truth be told, the tucker cabin is more like a masonic lodge, than anything else, in some distant rite or way. normally, there are no women here. its like the ultimate man-retreat. we can do whatever the hell we want, void of our women (or lack thereof - for the single folk) back home catching a tude' and acting a fool, distracting us from being MEN and living life the way men should. i have broken this unspoken rule, of bringing women to the tucker cabin on a few occasions, and ironically, as a result, there is always strife being the brothers. in retrospect, i instantly regret it. it instantly turns into this battle amongst the brothers about who is getting laid, who is upset because they arent as lucky as they hoped to be, who is too drunk to stand up or get a hard-on to begin with, who is hot at the poker table, and who is tending the fire - missing some emotionally abusive bitch from "anywhere else, world." i guess, depending on which side of the fence you fall on, you can call the spades as they fall. however, i still think it functions better as a man cave. that is what is was designed to be. a place where the Tucker boys could go, and be MEN. assholes like clark tucker, have perverted it, on occasion, and taken a girl or 4 up to the hallowed grounds of my blood and brothers' and enjoyed the fruits of debauchery... only a time or two. swear...

i make all these grandiose plans to go to all corners of the earth, yet i know, when i think about it, nowhere is as fun or tranquilly insane, as being at the tucker cabin - with my boys. now, i love the grandiose plans/planning and will always engage in them, however, there is just something about going "home," that nothing seems to be able to beat. home is where the heart is. with my boys @ the tucker cabin. and my heart is always there, with them.


epilogue: if there is ONE song that single-handedly describes the state of Americans in this world, it is none other than "pills," by Hurt. dont be so one-track minded to think its only about some neurotic female. its about us all. download it. itunes is your friend when the girl you thought was gonna lay you dipped and went home with your buddy. 17 days, or so.

ct

An interview with Srdjan Spasojevic, director of A SERBIAN FILM




in the recent wake of the shock surrounding A Serbian Film, the most hard-core horror film ever to screen, I found an interesting interview with the Director. i happened to be friends with Srdjan, the director's girlfriend, on Facebook, and she turned my interest to some of the surrounding events of this film, prior to it's debut screening in Austin, TX @ SXSW, earlier this year. the text below is interesting... why? remember world war 2? hitler? the nazi regime? remember how they had this thing called the SS and the SA? Dr. Goebbels? the minister of propaganda? well when Srdjan and his boys took the film to get it put on 35mm from digital (unbelievable right) in Germany, the Germans destroyed it - and BURNED it! interesting? ironic? the germans burning something that they dont like or want the masses to see? ring any bells? i just thought that was odd. and interesting. regardless of the film and how brutal it is, Srdjan and his men used the violence and horrible subject matter to tell a story that no one living outside of Serbia can ever know or understand. the serbian peoples' lives are beyond horrendous given the gov many of them grew up under... where even from birth, they are raped - in more than one way. how people are used and abused and just killed. i do not recommend ANYONE watch this film. you simply cannot unsee it. TRUST ME. DO NOT WATCH IT. im just writing about the irony behind the germans burning it.


“All that talk about throwing up and passing out during my movie is as far away from the truth as you can get. I don’t like it that the media, as well as part of the audience, is so hung-up on the rumors of people being sick, getting up and leaving the theatre. They look at the controversies instead of the film.” That’s how Srdjan Spasojevic, whose feature debut A Serbian Film is lining up to become the most controversial film made in Serbia, defends his honor as we are talking in the offices of his production company, Contra Film, in Belgrade.

After seeing the film, it’s impossible not to talk about the rumors of the already mentioned violence and media reactions to the film, but also, how the media attention skewed the perceptions of the public and state institutions. “Can you believe it that this is the only film in Serbia in the last 15, 20 or more years that was made without a single cent from the state and cultural institutions?” asks Spasojevic, not sad or puzzled, but almost self satisfied. And there is reason to be satisfied. Within a country where there is no independent production at all, and every film is financed either by the state or a co-production between the state and European creative funds, Spasojevic made a film that hasn’t stopped provoking the interest of distributors ever since it premiered at SXSW.

“Hey, we didn’t even get the insignificant law-madated post-production money the government otherwise gives to help out Serbian culture and cinema. Out of the dozens of letters we sent out to all the institutions asking for funding, we got only one answer. And that was a no. But whatever. I took upon producing the film myself and managed to gather the money on my own,” explains Spasojevic. ”But you know what’s the worst thing? The Serbian distributors have no idea what to do with this film. They’re waiting for the crowd to react before they even touch the movie. In the same way that the state administration turned its back on us until it’s safe. But they have no idea what this film is doing for the promotion of Serbia. We just had our European premiere in Belgium. Dude, the prince of Belgium shook hands with us. He asked us a bunch of questions before and after the screening and sat trough the entire film. And our foreign policy minister has to wait months in order to meet with the Prince, and here, he just showed up to our screening. During SXSW all of Austin was talking only about A Serbian Film and Serbia. Now tell me that isn’t great free promotion for a country like ours.”

Even though Spasojevic loves the films of the 1970s, all the problems this production ran into made it impossible to use one of the defining characteristics of the era – the gritty film stock. In fact, the entire film was shot digitally, albeit on the super advanced RED camera. “We got the RED decision quite easily. We threw down all the numbers, and there just wasn’t enough money to shoot on film. As I mentioned, we were entirely independently financed and I was in charge of all the money. This was a huge problem since I grew up on the gritty film and just couldn’t stand the digital image. Fortunately our DP Nemanja Jovanov convinced me that RED was the way to go. I trusted him, and it turned out fantastic. This is the first film, not just in Serbia, but in the entire region that was shot entirely on the RED. It’s a risk but it payed off. Of all the screenings we have had so far, everybody was 100% certain that we used film. They’re usually blown away after I tell them it’s all digital.”

Of all the production woes they were faced with, one stands out. Very few films today can say they had something as bizarre happen to them. “I was so shocked by what happened to us in Munich that I usually tell this story right after each screening, just for fun”. Spasojevic tells a story straight out of Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451: “So, the entire film was shot digitally, and we had to transfer it to celluloid. We signed a contract with the world-famous Arri lab in Munich and all was great. We sent them the finished film and they made a few test runs for us. We chose the one we liked the most, so they started transferring the entire digital file onto film stock. The whole process took about a month, and all the while we were in Belgrade tending to some other affairs. We only came to Munich once after we turned over the files, and that was a few days before the transfer was supposed to be done.”

“Some problems came up even before we went to pick up the finished prints. We found some errors in the picture. It turns out the the Arri laboratory has never done a transfer of an entire feature film shot exclusively on the RED camera. We pointed out the mistake and helped them correct it. The people there apologized, and of course that first print was not charged. They even asked us if we could send them more material they could practice on. Sure, why not. We sent them more files and everything was fine. So we get to Munich to pick up the first copies and we were supposed to leave the very next day after their delivery. We get to the lab and were greeted by a whole bunch of people in suits we haven’t seen before. The Germans start of the meeting: “Hi, you know, we have a few problems with this film” I instantly thought that they messed up the picture again. “No, no, no. It’s not that kind of problem” say the suits. “We have a problem with the content of the film”. I have to say that made me laugh at first. But as it appears, he wasn’t joking.”

“And they start discussing the story… Is it porn? Is it snuff? But we managed to convince them that there aren’t in fact any porn scenes at all, or at least there wasn’t any penetration. Hell, if Antichrist could do it, what was the big deal? But they weren’t satisfied. It appears that the entire feel of the movie scared them so they showed up to the screening backed up by lawyers and guys that turned out to be some sort of censoring police. So you get into a retarded situation where you have to explain to these people that what they have in fact seen is a work of fiction and in no way real, and the violence of it is necessary as a metaphor of society that they don’t even know, let alone understand. But they just kept shaking their heads telling us that it all looked a little bit too real. What they were worried by the most was the decapitation scene. And then I try to foolishly explain that this is the horror element in our movie. And why is it ok when someone gets decapitated in a cartoon. The guy I was trying to explain this to just looks at me blankly and flat out tells me that we know that it’s not real in a cartoon. It didn’t help at all that I was trying to explain that it was special effects makeup. They just refused to take any of our arguments into consideration. They must have thought that we made our own private snuff film or whatever and that we were now spending 50.000 euros to have this transferred onto 35mm film.”

“That conversation went on forever, so we realized that they just gathered all of these people in suits to tell us what they couldn’t do themselves – they won’t finish this project, even though there’s no clear law preventing them to do so. I guess they must have felt bad about putting their seal at the end of our movie. It’s interesting to note that they obviously haven’t seen the entire film, since they failed to mention the nastiest scene. As funny as this story is now, looking back at it, the reality of it is much scarier – it’s the 21st century and somebody has found the audacity to call a work of art not suitable, and to destroy it. Film stock is symbolically destroyed by burning it. And it was the Germans burning it. Interesting, wouldn’t you say? Of course this incident gave us a great story to talk about and gather some publicity, but it was a production speed bump we surely didn’t need. We were just thrown out, with absolutely nobody to back us up and stand up for us. We had the same happen to us in the second lab we chose. Having learned form past experiences, we sat down with the people from the lab and watched the entire film. They said no problem, we’ll do it. They actually finished all the work and printed the copies and then changed their mind and never turned over the copies. We finally found a private lab in Bucharest that had no objections to our film and finished the prints only ten days before the world premiere in Austin.”

i will never be robbed by these indians (not american) who are the only indians on this FOB for shitty, satellite internet EVER again - for the exhorbidant price os $100- a month!!!!! these sorry, ignorant, dilapidated tools will never get a call from LT again and sit at my desk here and try to load google 24 times when i show them the problem the first time... talk about completely worthless idiots! these indians are the spitting image of knuckle-dragging gorillas! a nutless monkey could fix my internet connection faster than these morons!

how are you? i hope your day is going well and your panties aren't soiled b/c your battery died on your iPhone. in the event this has transpired, relax, your boy is in Afghanistan, and life sucks here - far more than BFE, Kansas/Kentucky/Illinois/Iowa/etc.

georgia looked good for 2 quarters, then abruptly, decided to lie down and be raped by LSU last night. way to go Bulldawgs. i dont give a damn who you are and how much you love being from oklahoma... the cowboys will be MAULED by LSU or Alabama. i dont care how proud of his team the head coach is, his team is dead in the water if the BCS title game is awarded to OSU. fact!

today was a slow day. the replacements arent here yet. soon. i cant wait. days will be busier and SOME people will garner a soiled state in their crotchal region when i cant talk or chat bc im training the new guy - but alas, your panties will dry and i do not care. dad went to the tucker cabin this weekend and mom is flying to California. didnt talk to either of them today. im excited for JAT's wedding.

heading home in less than a month!!!

the tucker family




ct

before i start, this is my new truck, i can't wait to get back and ride her like she is forbidden - and like i stole it.


moving on. ------------------>

i asked myself today, "why do you keep a journal?"

i immediately answered.

"bc someday, i will look back on my entries and take a trip down memory boulevard, slowing to gaze at a few memories to the side of the scenic drive, and remember the good times - forgetting the bad."

thats how it goes for me. i never remember the bad. i just dont. i dont remember the hell of dating jennifer (not one of my most loyal readers, another person far more insecure and neurotic), i just remember the good times and the tireless, blind love i had for her - despite a horrid inception. i look back on my girlfriends i had in college and dont remember the fights and fresh hells they so eloquently and violently gave me, i just remember the good times, great dates, good sexual adventures, concerts, late nights, and passionate kisses. but im glad im beyond it now. the only gf i really dated that is still kosher is cara. she proved to be a good girl then and now. perfect times, imperfect timing - to quote a lil' edwin for y'all acoustic ditty-lovin' fools. why the hell did i get sidetracked on X gfs? someone slap me.

i got my end of tour award. the army commendation medal. i've complained enough already to certain people about it so i wont use this forum to do so. in fact, for you non-military folk, here is what the ARCOM medal is and why it is awarded to soldiers. this is for YOU, julie. so stop saying i never posted an entry about my war medal! HA!


The Army Commendation Medal is awarded to any member of the Armed Forces of the United States other than General Officers who, while serving in any capacity with the U.S. Army after 6 December 1941, distinguished themselves by heroism, meritorious achievement or meritorious service. Award may be made to a member of the Armed Forces of a friendly foreign nation who, after 1 June 1962, distinguishes themselves by an act of heroism, extraordinary achievement, or significant meritorious service which has been of mutual benefit to the friendly nation and the United States. Mine is the ARMY commendation medal so it is in the middle of the picture posted. thats the BAD ASS medal I get to wear and that I EARNED! G-d as my witness!

moving on.

i signed my sister's guestbook on her wedding website the other day. i have always known i have been a decent hand with the pen, but this was confounded by numerous people via emails and phone calls when i left her the message i did. i just spoke what i felt and it came out, apparently, lovingly and poetically. not really. but it came out as i intended it to. the written word is so powerful and i love it. if i garnered anything at all from getting a masters of arts and liberal studies degree in modern social theory, i learned that the thing i am the best at is writing. conveying my thoughts, if you will. i also never capitalize words and love the return key on my macbook.

see.

alot of my friends and fans on facebook signed jinna anne's wall. and they have never met her. the true testament to great people and beyond exceptional humane, vexed, vicissitudes. i love you all. i want to write a book someday. i dont know what about. will anyone read it? who cares. at least when i die, i can hand it to someone, whomever is near me when i die. one day die. that is the name of matt duke's newest record that i bought on leave back in july and i absolutely love the name of it. its so dark, macabre, and ..... true. its dismal and brooding, but everyone will - one day die. killer call mr. duke. if you havent heard of him, shame on you. just download these 2 songs: "MLT" and "The father the son and the harlot's ghost." both will knock your balls off. ladies - you get the drift. the effect will remain the same for you too, minus the loss of testicular ownership.

life is going great. i never thought i would be 3 weeks away from leaving afghanistan. when i came here, i wrote in permanent ink on my rucksacks, knowing that i might have to pay for them for "damaging" them. but i didnt care. i wasnt worried about paying a few hundred bones for a rucksack. i was worried about getting killed. well i have lived through damn near 49 weeks of this unfresh hell and now i punch myself for vandalizing the gov issued TA-50. (google it)but life. yea, its going great. im healthy, beautiful, and more blessed than ever. i have a hefty sum of "playboy cash," as i like to call it, that serves as a buffer zone for my following paychecks and that doubles as a wellspring of blown pay. in the past month, i have spent over $5,000 on toys and gifts for my family. i dont regret a damned bit of it. im the fool who likes buying things for others because i get my rocks off to seeing people open them. i also take it a step further. i romanticize the thought... yes the MERE THOUGHT, of envisioning them opening it and being like "wow, ct hit it out the park!!!" girls like me for a # of reasons. i buy the best gifts. i have a shot of wit in my swag. im somewhat educated. im successful. im blessed. im positive. and it sure as hell isnt because of liberally, God-given, grandeur-in size genitalia. you cant win em all.

the "return" key i love so much.

i hope this month continues to fly by. im ready for the replacements to get here so we can get the hell out of this shit hole. at the same time, as sick a twisted as it sounds, i will kind of miss this place. i know i know i know.. im an idiot. dumbass. moron. insane.

whatever.

i have become so accustomed to this lifestyle and doing the soldier, life/death thing for the past year, getting home will be a huge adjustment. but one im damned ready to welcome and embrace like i'll be dying on the morrow. i cant wait to have a new iPhone 4[S] and actually be able to surf the net at 3G speeds and text and call you people. im tired of using skype - but grateful in the same sense, for having the ability to stay as connected as i have been for the past year. its just been a great year. i stole a chair out of a room that one of my soldiers moved out of and i wish i had had this thing all year. it feels so much better to sit in. the metal brick (weird description right) i have been sitting on for the past 49 weeks has taken its toll on my ass. this cushion feels like heaven right bout now.

the 3 best records of this year, IMO, are:

Last Winter - The Heart & The Broken Compass
Twin Atlantic - Free
Deaf Havana - Fools & Worthless Liars

those 3 records, in order, play the best concurrently, as far as i am concerned. the first 2 i bought on my iPhone on leave back in July and i have worn them out in the time since then. if you dont have them, and i know you dont, you should be getting them like 5 seconds ago. you wont be sorry. those 3 bands cover 2 continents: one band is from the US, one is from Scotland ( i know, give them a chance, they rock believe it or not) and the other from England.

all im gonna say to wrap this off-the-wall entry is this: my pad is gonna be the best bachelor pad on earth. for $5,000 - i have the best play boy gear (not the mag) $ can buy. just come see it, no matter where you are. come see it. it'll blow your mind.




ct

Lovers are always strangers, always hiding themselves (whether they want to or not), always trying and failing to find out who the other really is, always trying to reveal themselves to the other but instead embellishing the mask. we are strangers to each other because we are strangers to ourselves. we don’t see who we are and we don’t want to see. we want to huddle with that one other person and build a world separate and different from the real world, one which is truer to the landscape of the heart. unfortunately, reality reasserts itself and tears that world apart. we are left with our vision in tatters, alone, estranged. then we either find a new stranger to love or we recognize that the person we love is, after all, a stranger — and we get interested all over again.

I hope you, and all of your "strangers" are doing well.

to many it is a mere 4 day weekend, where we have off from school & work. or for some, the day after, being the best day to shop (or worst, if you ask me) in the entire year. given my year here in afghanistan, it has proven to be a very important holiday. though i will spend ti away from my family for the first time in 27 years on this earth, i will definitely never live through this holiday the same. regardless of it's truest origins, the idea behind Thanksgiving is for all people to give thanks and have a gracious heart for the wondrous lifestyle we live and, often times, take for granted. it's cliche, however, its very important. i have so much to be thankful for in this life. everything from my health, to my family, to my safety here in afghanistan, to my friends, to my education, and my career. even though there are dips in all of those blessings from time to time, i nevertheless, am uber grateful for G-d blessing me with all the above and try my best to NEVER take any of them for granted. i was reading my devotion the other night and it said something along the lines of "a grateful and thankful heart is one of the intimate ways to experience closeness to G-d," in layman's terms. i believe this to be very true. when we call on G-d and think of Him and utter his name throughout our days; this is evidence of faith. alot of people have this complex and misconstrued concept of faith and hope. it really is far more simple than we often times think it to be. I try to make a conscience effort to remember G-d and be thankful for everything He has blessed me with - which is far more than i ever deserved or could fathom. I have lived a wonderful life for the past 27 years, and G-d willing, i will have a long life on this beautiful earth. remember the real meaning behind Thanksgiving this year, when you are with your families or not. THAT is a point of many peoples' miss when it comes to "getting it." the point that you might be in dire straits and not have anyone to share the holiday with, or if you career has you somewhere in which you cant be with your loved ones, deal with it. the point is NOT solely to share a few days with people you love. its about a heart-founded discourse with G-d about how He has blessed you and you owe it to Him to take time away from your schedule on this holiday and just thank Him for all He has blessed you with. keep it 100.

in other news, i bought the new Daughtry CD. it sounds like every other one of his records. alas, that isn't a bad thing. i can tell Benson produced it.

SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Tom Six, the crazy twisted guy behind The Human Centipede and HC2, apparently paints as well. Some of his work is straight up disgusting - however, this self-portrait is killer. i love it. Tom Six always wears the same outfit, and looks NOTHING like a horror film or demented, sicko. He ALWAYS wears a white suit, and a cowboy hat, with a cigar hanging out of his mouth. i like the look. check out his self-portrait.

What is authority? Is it the inevitable power of the natural laws which manifest themselves in the necessary linking and succession of phenomena in the physical and social worlds? Indeed, against these laws revolt is not only forbidden - it is even impossible. We may misunderstand them or not know them at all, but we cannot disobey them; because they constitute the basis and the fundamental conditions of our existence; they envelop us, penetrate us, regulate all our movements. thoughts and acts; even when we believe that we disobey them, we only show their omnipotence.

Yes, we are absolutely the slaves of these laws. But in such slavery there is no humiliation, or, rather, it is not slavery at all. For slavery supposes an external master, a legislator outside of him whom he commands, while these laws are not outside of us; they are inherent in us; they constitute our being, our whole being, physically, intellectually, and morally; we live, we breathe, we act, we think, we wish only through these laws. Without them we are nothing, we are not. Whence, then, could we derive the power and the wish to rebel against them?

In his relation to natural laws but one liberty is possible to man - that of recognising and applying them on an ever-extending scale of conformity with the object of collective and individual emancipation of humanisation which he pursues. These laws, once recognised, exercise an authority which is never disputed by the mass of men. One must, for instance, be at bottom either a fool or a theologician or at least a metaphysician, jurist or bourgeois economist to rebel against the law by which twice two make four. One must have faith to imagine that fire will not burn nor water drown, except, indeed, recourse be had to some subterfuge founded in its turn on some other natural law. But these revolts, or rather, these attempts at or foolish fancies of an impossible revolt, are decidedly the exception: for, in general, it may be said that the mass of men, in their daily lives, acknowledge the government of common sense - that is, of the sum of the general laws generally recognised - in an almost absolute fashion.

The great misfortune is that a large number of natural laws, already established as such by science, remain unknown to the masses, thanks to the watchfulness of those tutelary governments that exist, as we know, only for the good of the people. There is another difficulty - namely, that the major portion of the natural laws connected with the development of human society, which are quite as necessary, invariable, fatal, as te laws that govern the physical world, have not been duly established and recognised by science itself.

Once they shall have been recognised by science, and then from science, by means of an extensive system of popular education and instruction, shall have passed into the consciousness of all, the question of liberty will be entirely solved. The most stubborn authorities must admit that then there will be no need either of political organisation or direction or legislation, three things which, whether they eminate from the will of the soverign or from the vote of a parliament elected by universal suffrage, and even should they conform to the system of natural laws - which has never been the case and never will be the case - are always equally fatal and hostile to the liberty of the masses from the very fact that they impose on them a system of external and therefore despotic laws.

The Liberty of man consists solely in this: that he obeys natural laws because he has himself recognised them as such, and not because they have been externally imposed upon him by any extrinsic will whatsoever, divine or human, collective or individual.

Suppose a learned academy, composed of the most illustrious representatives of science; suppose this academy charged with legislation for and the organisation of society, and that, inspired only by the purest love of truth, it frames none but the laws but the laws in absolute harmony with the latest discoveries of science. Well, I maintain, for my part, that such legislation and such organisation would be a monstrosity, and that, and that for two reasons: first, that human science is always and necessarily imperfect, and that, comparing what it has discovered with what remains to be discovered, we may say that it is still in its cradle. So that were we to try to force the practical life of men, collective as well as individual, into strict and exclusive conformity with the latest data of science, we should condemn society as well as individuals to suffer martyrdom on a bed of Procrustes, which would soon end by dislocating and stifling them, life ever remaining an infinitely greater thing than science.

The second reason is this: a society which should obey legislation emanating from a scientific academy, not because it understood itself the rational character of this legislation (in which case the existence of the academy would become useless), but because this legislation, emanating from the academy, was imposed in the name of a science which it venerated without comprehending - such a society would be a society, not of men, but of brutes. It would be a second edition of those missions in Paraguay which submitted so long to the government of the Jesuits. It would surely and rapidly descend to the lowest stage of idiocy.

But there is still a third reason which would render such a government impossible - namely that a scientific academy invested with a soverignty, so to speak, absolute, even if it were composed of the most illustrious men, would infallibly and soon end in its own moral and intellectual corruption. Even today, with the few privileges allowed them, such is the history of all academies. The greatest scientific genius, from the moment that he becomes an academian, an officially liscenced savant, inevitably lapses into sluggishness. He loses his spontenaity, his revolutionary hardihood, and that troublesome and savage energy characteristic of the grandest geniuses, ever called to destroy old tottering worlds and lay the foundations of new. He undoubtedly gains in politeness, in utilitarian and practical wisdom, what he loses in power of thought. In a word, he bocomes corrupted.

It is the characteristic of privilege and of every privileged position to kill the mind and heart of men. The privileged man, whether practically or economically, is a man depraved in mind and heart. That is a social law which admits of no exception, and is as applicable to entire nations as to classes, corporations and individuals. It is the law of equality, the supreme condition of liberty and humanity. The principle object of this treatise is precisely to demonstrate this truth in all the manifestations of social life.

A scientific body to which had been confided the government of society would soon end by devoting itself no longer to science at all, but to quite another affair; and that affair, as in the case of all established powers, would be its own eternal perpetuation by rendering the society confided to its care ever more stupid and consequently more in need of its government and direction.

But that which is true of scientific academies is also true of all constituent and legislative assemblies, even those chosen by universal suffrage. In the latter case they may renew their composition, it is true, but this does not prevent the formation in a few years’ time of a body of politicans, privileged in fact though not in law, who, devoting themselves exclusively to the direction of the public affairs of a country, finally form a sort of political aristocracy or oligarchy. Witness the United States of America and Switzerland.

Consequently, no external legislation and no authority - one, for that matter, being inseparable from the other, and both tending to the servitude of society and the degradation of the legislators themsleves.

Does it follow that I reject all authority? Far from me such a thought. In the matter of boots, I refer to the authority of the bootmaker; concerning houses, canals, or railroads, I consult that of the architect or the engineer. For such or such special knowledge I apply to such or such a savant. But I allow neither the bootmaker nor the architect nor savant to impose his authority upon me. I listen to them freely and with all the respect merited by their intelligence, their character, their knowledge, reserving always my incontestable right of criticism and censure. I do not content myself with consulting a single authority in any special branch; I consult several; I compare their opinions, and choose that which seems to me the soundest. But I recognise no infallible authority, even in special questions; consequently, whatever respect I may have for the honesty and the sincerity of such or such individual, I have no absolute faith in any person. Such a faith would be fatal to my reason, to my liberty, and even to the success of my undertakings; it would immediately transform me into a stupid slave, an instrument of the will and interests of others.

If I bow before the authority of the specialists and avow my readiness to follow, to a certain extent and as long as may seem to me necessary, their indications and even their directions, it is because their authority is imposed on me by no one, neither by men nor by God. ions and even their directions Otherwise I would repel them with horror, and bid the devil take their counsels, their directions, and their services, certain that they would make me pay, by the loss of my liberty and self-respect, for such scraps of truth, wrapped in a multitude of lies, as they might give me.

I bow before the authority of special men because it is imposed on me by my own reason. I am conscious of my own inability to grasp, in all its detail, and positive development, any very large portion of human knowledge. The greatest intelligence would not be equal to a comprehension of the whole. Thence results, for science as well as for industry, the necessity of the division and association of labour. I receive and I give - such is human life. Each directs and is directed in his turn. Therefore there is no fixed and constant authority, but a continual exchange of mutual, temporary, and, above all, voluntary authority and subbordination.

This same reason forbids me, then, to recognise a fixed, constant and universal authority, because there is no universal man, no man capable of grasping in all that wealth of detail, without which the application of science to life is impossible, all the sciences, all the branches of social life. And if such universality could ever be realised in a single man, and if he wished to take advantage thereof to impose his authority upon us, it would be necessary to drive this man out of society, because his authority would inevitably reduce all the others to slavery and imbecility. I do not think that society ought to maltreat men of genius as it has done hitherto: but niether do I think it should indulge them too far, still less accord them any privileges or exclusive rights whatsoever; and that for three reasons: first, because it would often mistake a charlatan for a man of genius; second, because, through such a system of privileges, it might transform into a charlatan even a real man of genius, demoralise him, and degrade him; and, finally, because it would establish a master over itself.